Losing my mind

Lately my mental game has been slipping. All year, I've been focusing (successfully) on staying in the present moment.  I shot a 74 in a tournament this summer and I had no idea until I added my score up at the end.  I was just focusing on the shot in front of me and forgot about the past (good and bad) and didn't think too much about the future (the result of the hole or the round). 

My ability to stay in the present moment has dropped off a cliff in recent weeks.  I spend too much time thinking about what my score will be on the hole and for the round.

The sad case in point: OGA Tour Championship @ Bandon Trails on October 22nd (more on Bandon, the American golf mecca, in a later post).  It is the toughest of all four courses at Bandon Dunes.  The layout is challenging, the greens are slick, bunkers are everywhere.  Doubles and triples are good scores on some holes if you don't hit it perfectly.  Last month I played in the OGA Tour Championship tournament there.  The field was competitive.  There were a couple scratch players and a handful of other competitors in the 2-3 handicap range.  Despite the field, I knew I had a shot at winning a pretty trophy.  The course is short from the ladies tees.  When I played there in September, I shot a 75.  The weather was good.  I knew if I could shoot in the 70s I had a good shot. 

I made several pars early and only a few bogeys.  At the turn I was 3-over and feeling good.  I was striking the ball well and my putter and I were getting along.  I made bogey on 10 and hit my tee shot on #11 into a fairway bunker about 140 yards from the green.  I hit my next shot on the green to 40 feet. The putt had a nasty break, but my caddie Jim gave me a good read, and it dropped in the side of the cup for a sandie birdie! "I'm back baby!!"

This hole was the turning point in the round.  After 11 holes, I was only 3-over I knew I had a shot to win this thing if I could keep it together.  I began to focus on my score and I began to worry.  I was excited and started thinking about the results and that trophy I could put in my office. I started to play tight and careful.  I flinched at missed putts, and the tempo on my drives quickened.  The wind picked up, I caught a few bad breaks, and carded a couple doubles.  I began to panic.  I got angry and upset about why this was happening.  Unfortunately, it got worse...a fuc*-this!-I'm-going-home-to-cry-now-quad-bogey on #18. When it was all over, I played the last 7 holes at 13-over par.  My 87 was in the bottom half of my flight, and I spent the 5-hour drive home sulking and wondering how I could let that happen. 

The worst part: 79 was the winning score.  If I could have held it together mentally I could have had a chance.  Today I was inspired to write about losing my mind because I finally realized why I screwed up so bad in the OGA tournament.  I lost my swing because I lost my mind.  I now realize that a strong mental game - with a present moment focus - is something I need to constantly work on and not take for granted.  I think the ability to stay focused on the present is not something you can ever master.  It may come easier but I always need to keep that focus in the front of my mind if I want to play well and win.

Obsessed with 80

Last July I broke 80 for the first time.  It was an out of body experience.  I shot an even par 35 on the front side.  3 bogeys, 3 pars, and 3 birdies made for an exceptionally exciting even par score.  I shot a 40 on the back nine, doing everything possible to try to hold together a round in the 70s. 

Breaking 80 last year was a one time event.  Going into this season I wanted to break 80, and as the season has gone on, I've become obsessed with it.  I flirt with 79 contantly, shooting 80s and 81s on a regular basis, but I just couldn't crack 80.  I'd get to the last couple holes needing to par or make a long putt to shatter the big, bad 80 barrier, and I couldn't quite pull it off. 

Then, something magical happened on June 20th.  I shot a 74.  Four days later I followed it with another 74.  The following week, 77.  Two days after that, 75. Yesterday, a 76.  I've played 10 rounds since my 74.  Four of those rounds have been in the 70s.

The question is: Is this just a temporary hot streak or the beginning of more consistent lower scores? After I shot the second round in the 70s I started to believe that I could do it consistently.  It wasn't just a freak event.  I actually can do this. The surge in confidence that comes from breaking 80 has helped me stay focused.  I don't stand fearful over putts, worried if I picked the right line or if I will have the right speed.  I just look at it and think: "You can do this.  Just drain it."

The bottom line is that I feel more confident in my ability to play well, but its a shaky confidence because I'm still in uncharted waters for my golf game.  Let's hope I can keep it together!